Secrets
By Catherine Franz
Having our own secret secrets, ones that you never dare tell
anyone else, creates emotional stress. When they build,
they ruin your health. They can make you angry with people,
and even at the whole world in general.
Knowing secrets about other people creates drama and builds
excitement. It is also a trillion dollar industry. Just
look at the tabloids.
Four elements create the formula that builds into a guarded
and destructive secret:
Guilt + Fear + Judgment + Person = Secret
Secrets need to be let go and there are three ways to do
just that:
1. Talk with a therapist.
2. Talk to the person that the secret is connected too.
Maybe you need to apologize or ask for forgiveness. Maybe
you feel they need to. You will usually find that they were
feeling the same thing. Use an intermediary, like a coach,
or a therapist, or someone trained to stay neutral and guide
the discussion if needed.
If the person is deceased, then talk with someone you trust
implicitly like a coach or therapist. Let them provide
feedback on what they are hearing in-between the lines and
give some course of action suggestions.
3. If it was something they did to you, find out more about
that person, what was their life like, who were they, what
pressures did they have in their life, what were their
goals.
Most journalers will only write entries up to a certain
boundary, then stop. They will not go into their deep down
right embarrassing secrets. Yet, these very same secrets
stop us from being the stars of our own life.
Secrets make you sick, they place barriers in between you
and your goals. Even in your relationships when they
actually have nothing to do with that person.
Holding onto other people's secrets is dangerous. Someone
at work tells you something in secret. Now you walk around
with THEIR weight on your shoulders. What a burden you are
carrying.
Built over time, with this person sharing and the next
sharing, you either can't hold them in any longer or forgot
whose what to whom and they just slip out. Of course,
losing their trust in the process, and usually their fake
friendship. When these build over time, it affects sleeping
habits, eating habits, and even thinking clearly. Many
people don't even know this is what is occurring. They
blame it on the weather, working too hard, someone else, and
worse yet, themselves.
When someone wants to share a secret with you, don't get
into the drama and excitement of the moment. The price is
too high. Tell them, "No, thank you." Tell them this story
and about the price that is paid. Stop the process. Start
nipping it in the bud. You don't need this, and you don't
want people who fuel their life by pushing their secrets on
you. Because when they give you their secret, they no
longer carry the weight, you now carry their weight. This
is exactly why people want to give away their secrets,
because they are too heavy for them.
You will definitely walk taller and carry a lot less weight
on your shoulders. And sleep ......
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